..Just needed...

when i was still in my college days, nasabi ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako pupunta sa malayo just to earn a living. It crossed my mind, yes, but it did not stayed there for a day... Mahirap kasi, for me, my husband and kids to be.. nasabi ko sa sarili ko, being an OFW child. Maliit palang kasi ako nag aabroad na ang papa ko kaya alam ko na mahirap yon...


Pero life will give you things that would make you change your mind.. I now thought of going out of the country to seek opportunities to earn more. Habang bata sabi nila eh igrab na ang opportunities if meron kasi it might never come again...


But the struggle now is convincing myself that I can last not seeing my kids for months and not being there for my husband once he comes home.. hindi ko ata kakayanin yon!?!



pero kailangan eh... there is more of a need rather than a want to go outside... konting sakripisyo lang naman ito ngayon... just for the meantime... this will not be for life... for sure!

Happy Birthday my dear Denise!!!

Sabi ni Denise "mommy, wag kana ofis.." Though its an everyday routine, today is an exception, I felt like it was a birthday wish i need to grant my birthday girl... but i can't.

Pagpasensyahan mo na anak if hindi makakapagleave ngayon si Mommy... marami kasi akong kailangang tapusin sa office... Di bale i'll be home early today, promise yan! harangan man ako ng sibat.. hehehe... Mommy will be home early.



Happy 3rd Birthday Potpot!! my super daldal, super kulit and super lambing na tabachoichoi...

Month end na naman!!!!

Month end again...

Busy na naman ang Cypress Finance...
at month end means overtime... di bale looking forward naman ako sa month end ehh...
dami ako natututunan... there's a feeling of accomplishment everyday... Marami ako na ggain na learnings, magiging magaling akong Financial Analyst! Promise...

Makukuha ko rin ang PO8 level...**cross fingers*** :D

Envy and Jealousy...

these are 2 words that I hate most....Envy and Jealousy.

I've known jealousy since i was kid. I was jealous daw of my younger sister kasi she always gets the attention of mama. Hindi ko man napapansin na my reaction reflects jealousy na, basta nakakaramdam lang ako na niinis ako because i don't get the attention I was expecting from another person...kay mama. But later on I've learned na same pala kami ng feeling ng sister ko... me jelly feeling din sya sakin. Minsan kasi when your mind is set into something it omits other information. Like un, meron din palang kina jejelly sakin ang sister ko but what I was thinking before eh ako ung di napapansin. Jealousy shuts down your thinking capability...

Envy...you envy people because you think they have more than what you have right now, they have better car than yours, bigger house, bigger savings, higher pay, successful than you are and because you think they are happier than you. I know in myself that i do get envious sometimes, but I don't let it get into my nerve. I know it won't do me any good... I believe that everything will fall into its proper places at the right time. One thing I've learned in life is that you should not rush things into your life. God knows the perfect timing... Trust him for he has better plans than what you have in mind. He knows your desires and listens to your heart. If you envy other people's achievements, it hinders your own happiness... so try not to compare yourself with others, start counting your blessing. Could be that you have more than what that person has...

Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value.
Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value.
If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved.
You will always think it's a mistake or luck.
Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within.
Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences.
Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security.
Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them. ~Jennifer James

Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening. ~Maya Angelou

In jealousy there is more self-love than love. ~François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld, Maxims, 1665

White Horse by Taylor Swift

Say you’re sorry, that face of an angel comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time coz I honestly believed in you.
Holding on the days dragged on, Stupid girl I should have known,
I should have known…

That I’m not a princess, this aint a fairytale
I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell.
This aint Hollywood that was a small town.
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to come around …

Baby I was naïve, got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance.
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings, now I know…

That I’m not a princess, this aint a fairytale
I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell.
This aint Hollywood that was a small town.
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to come around …

And there you are on your knees,
begging for forgiveness, begging for me…
Just like I always wanted but I’m sorry

Coz I’m not your princess, this aint a fairytale
I’m gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now

And its too late for your and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now…

transfer... transfer... transfer...

I'm on this road again... again and again...

Why haven't I thought of these when I made a decision to leave DB....
...Transfer would mean new work environment, new people to work with, new learning curve... and adjustment, adjustments, adjustments....

I hate this feeling of being alone, and the feeling that you do not know the process... you do not know what to do, how to deal with the people and how to deal with the environment... Gosh!!!!

It makes me wonder why have I decided to leave?
1st - Finance work... i would want to go back to the real accounting work...
2nd - i want my normal life back... normal shift and normal sleep...
... i want to play with my kids after office hours...
...i want to teach Bea her lessons... I want to bring her to school in the morning...

Ok so these are the reasons why i decided to leave... without taking into considerations the other factors that should be considered...

Maybe it was just me... I should learn how to appreciate my current situation, this is life when I have decided to transfer... and i should bear with it. I know I will be ale to adopt to the changes... ako pa... Kaya ko to!!!!

Bea's 7th Birthday preparation...

It was actually a month long preparation... with lots of worries, computation, re-planning and everything... Gosh! I am not really sure if Bea's birthday will push thru... why? because of financial matters... you know!

I just resigned from DB and was new to Cypress. I had no pay since Aug and my next payday will be on Sept 25. That was my worry! Where will i get the funds?? I can't disappoint Bea... she has been waiting for that day to come. I know she has been counting the days till Sept 17... kakayanin ba ng puso ko makita si Bea na malungkot sa 7th birthday nya? A big NO!!!!

Buti nalang Daddy loves Bea so much.... and he was there to support her daughters big day...

3 weeks before Sept 17, while i was on vacation and completing my requirements for Cypress, I went to Divisoria to buy Bea's souvenir. The party's theme is Disney princess and Cars. So I went on hunting for good things to buy in Divi. What I have in mind is that they should be useful... less candies in the lootbags please. What I have chosen is Princess and Cars bag as lootbags, to be filled with pencils, notebooks, coloring books, stickers and hanky... useful right?

It was really fun! ako ang nag enjoy sa kakapili ng pwedeng ilagay na kasya sa budget ko. I only have 2k then, including fare and meals so I really have to watch what I was buying... Glad i was able to buy naman what I need and what was in my mind.

2 weeks to go... I have been searching and calling establishments for the chairs and tables. I want to compare prices kung saan mas makakamura... My idea was to have a clown, kahit walang face painter, basta may games that kids will enjoy. With balloon decorations para maganda rin. But my idea equals money... balloon decorations will already cost me 3,500.

1 week to go but I was still torn on the venue.... Bahay or clubhouse? Bahay would mean renting tents with worries if it rains while clubhouse is a little costly but with less worry... kaya sa clubhouse nalang...

Balloon decor... sabi ni Chec ako nalang daw ang mag decorate. With a little help from youtube's how to videos, I will be able to decorate Bea's party with less cost. hehehe buti nalang Chec have brilliant ideas!!! Madali lang pala, effort lang ang kailangan... with this I've learned that I can have a new career as balloon decorator! hahahaha

Chairs and tables, it was with Jecas party needs of Ms. Lotis, I saw their site in the web... mai-try nga... I booked for their Clown and face painter and tables and chairs for 70 persons with out any deposit...san kapa?

Everything is going as planned... food nalang ang kailangang isipin... 1 week to go and I am still thinking if it will push thru... I was already crossing my fingers and was praying to Him to guide me. I'll let Him take care of the rest... i don't like to worry too much... i know He will be there to help me as always....

Goodbye DKS....

It has been 2 years since I set foot in this company.... Deutsche Knowledge Service....

I admit I really wanted to be part of this organization when I was still in Splash. I have heard good things about the company, about work, schedule, pay and bonuses. And a friend of mine confirmed that what i was hearing about the company are all true... Like the bonuses... she was hired in Sept 2008 with twice as much as her salary in her previous work and she got a month bonus in Feb 2009. Gosh! a month bonus?!? I want that! I never experienced that! So I was really eager to apply for any post... And I didn't get a hard time applying for one. It was a 3-day hiring process. 1st day - phone interview, 2nd day interview with HR and 3rd was with my team lead Nic and feeling team lead Jezer hehehehe just kidding!

After that I got a call from HR that I passed the interview and I need to drop by their office for the JO (Job offer). Though I was a bit disaapointed when I saw the offer (it was not what I expected...) I still accepted and just looked forward to the bonuses hehehehe.

The work was really different, it was a total shift actually. I was shocked initially but I have learned to love my process. The people also are quite different, it seems that they have their own world and I cannot penetrate! I felt so alone but I have also learned to accept that this is the BPO world... fast changing! people come and go!

But DKS gave me opportunites and memories i will never forget, i was able to have our house constructed because of the pay and the schedule. Me and my family were able to travel to bohol because of the MTA policy... things that a normal company won't offer and of course the car service, no worrying of going home late since the service will bring you home safe, right in front of your doorstep....

Now, as of this writing, I only have a day left with DKS. Tomorrow is the day, my last day with Deutsche. And I am feeling a bit sad honestly... I am worrying about my process and every thing.

I will miss the people who made my last day with DB memorable... I never thought I had made so much friends here. I will surely miss my superior who understands when I needed to take a leave because of family matters. I will miss my circle of moms friends and the demanding onshore. I will surely miss DKS.... my home for the last 2 years...

....Sa giled ng Computer...

it was wednesday morning, after manalasa ni Basyang sa Pilipinas, I received a very heart breaking letter from my grade 1 daughter, Ate Bea...

She was probably asking why I had to go to the office that day since their classes were suspended due to the typhoon after effect. I know she was not feeling so well that morning, she was having low grade fever kasi. But since it's low grade, and i have things to do at the office, i decided to go to work.

While I was preparing to leave, she approached me and gave me something rolled and tied with her red sanrio rubberband. It was a letter, a plead i guess... and as i read her handwritten note I felt something warm flowing below my eyes... It made me teary eyed...well, it made me cry... her letter literally was cutting my heart into pieces... then I rolled it again.

I secretly wiped my tear, and told her... "Ikaw talaga Ate, alam mo naman bakit kailangang pumasok ni Mommy diba?!"... then she asked for her letter... Of course I refused to give it back... I told her "Ipapabasa ko to sa Boss ko, para payagan ka nyang isama sa ofis namin." Then she smiled and said "Ok, Mommy".

Then she happily went down the stairs... took some food at the fridge which she shared with denise and waved goodbye to me...

While I was travelling on the way to the office, i was very tempted to read her letter again, pero kasi ayoko umiyak so hindi ko na ginawa. But as soon as I arrived at the office, i took it off in my bag and reread it. Again, it made me cry... and until now, whenever I get a glimpse of it, even just the paper where it was written, napapaiyak parin ako.... I love you Ate Bea and Denise... you know how much I do...

Greatest Disapproval

Greatest Disapproval


Many of us unconsciously believe that we're unworthy. We adopt this belief very early in our lives, when the people we looked up to disapprove our demands, wishes and behaviors. We then conclude that we are no good.

The greatest disapproval is not when others put you down, it is when you put down yourself.

Lead me Lord...

These past few days... i have been feeling so low and sad. I don't exactly know why. Nalulungkot lang ako and marami ako masyadong iniisip. I guess yun yon eh... marami akong iniisip... mga bagay na pwede namang hindi pero once it crosses my mind it stays there and won't leave for a while..

Do i need a friend to talk to? I am not sure... Probably a psychiatrist? No...
I just need you Lord to guide me in my decisions during these low low days. Please make me strong enough to face all challenges each day... Please dont let go of my hands oh Lord when my faith seems to be slipping away...

My faith in you will help me overcome whatever difficulties, worries and fears i've been feeling these days... Lead me lord...

Lead me Lord
Lead me by the hand
And make me face the rising sun
Comfort me through all the pain
That life may bring
There’s no other hope
That I can lean upon
Lead me Lord
Lead me all my life

Walk by me
Walk by me across
The lonely road that I may face
Take my arms and let your hand
Show me the way
Show the way to live inside your heart
All my days, all my life

You are my light
You’re the lamb upon my feet
All the time my Lord
I need You there
You are my light I (just) cannot live alone
Let me stay by Your guiding love
All through my life
Lead me Lord

Lead me Lord
Even though at times
I’d rather go alone my way
Help me take the right direction
Take Your road
Lead me Lord
And never leave my side
All my days, All my life

You are my light
You’re the lamb upon my feet
All the time my Lord
I need You there
You are my light I (just) cannot live alone
Let me stay by Your guiding love
All through my life
All through my days
Lead me, O Lord
Lead me Lord

Our house...

As i've promised, here is a glimpse of our home... almost done pero marami pa ring gagawin. No paint yet outside though inside there is 30% accomplishment already on the paintings.

sana matapos na... we are about to move in by end of May... I hope medyo ok na by that time. Kahit naman hindi pa sobrang tapos basta lang wala na masyado alikabok, ok na kami...sana talaga matapos na! ***cross fingers****

Congratulations to COMELEC!!!

I would like to commend the COMELEC for being able to successfully implement the first ever automated election in the history of the Philippines. Despite some glitches, issues with the PCOS machines and more, i would like to conclude that it was indeed a successful one! Kudos COMELEC! Cheers!

Were you counted? Did you bacame part of our country's history? Were you able to exercise your right to choose the people that will shape our children's future?

I DID!!!! I am proud to have done my part as a citizen of this country.

Despite the long voting queus, the hot weather, the long wait... I was able to cast my vote!


I almost gave up when i was not able to find the precint where i was suppose to vote. I admit, it was my fault. I forgot to check my precint number in the IDs being given by the local candidates, i can check it in the posted list though but because of the number of people looking at the list, i decided to go back home and get the ID. Too late, i found out that there's a helpdesk where you can ask for your precint number! Gosh! I should have seen that earlier than going back home!!!! And stupid me, I do not even have an ID, i was just so lucky that mama is going back home to get hers, she volunteered to get mine nalang. Thanks Mama!!!

Anyway, going back to the queu, i'm very blessed that Chec, Papa and I belong to the same cluster (various precint nos. in one cluster) hehehe, I did not have to fall in line again since they've been on the line already early on. Thank God!

Now it's time to cast my vote... we spent less than 10 minutes in the voting area. First, presented my ID, casted my vote, fed the ballot in the PCOS machine (glad that the machine accepted my ballot on my initial feed), finally, indelible ink. Yehey!!!! Done at last!!!!

I know that the future is uncertain, but i still believe that we can change it now by choosing the right person to lead us. I am not loosing hope with the system, I believe that the Philippines will be able to cope up and be at par again with the other developing Asian countries. Maybe not in my time. So i am entrusting the future of my children to those I have voted!
Go Philippines!!!! Mabuhay!

Letting God hold the Wheel

We all encounter problems. I do not think there is anyone out there who doesn\'t have a problem, or have never had and never will find himself in a situation when the odds are against him or her. Having problems is part of our lives.

Being a Christian we are told that we should put all our worries to the Lord. That\'s what the Bible says and what our pastors teach us. But as the saying goes, it is easier said than done.

With some problems it is simple to let God take care of it for us. When we have a fever, we pray; we ask God to take care of the health problem for us. If people treat us bad when we talk of our faith or preach outside on the streets, we let God handle them.

But when the problems become real hard or real personal that\'s when it becomes difficult to put our problems in God\'s hands. When people talk about us behind our backs; when our friends suddenly become our bitter enemies; when our unbelieving loved ones prevent us from going to church...these are the times when we want to do something about it.

I don\'t know if doing something about it is wrong or right. And I don\'t want to decide either. I don\'t want to be a judge.

What I do know is that it is a normal human reaction. If you touch something hot, you snatch your hand away. If you are hit, you either hit back or just cry. It is a human trait to fix (or fight) a problem that is wrecking havoc on your life.

A Christian trait, on the other hand, is letting God hold the wheel and fix the problem for us. Be still, He tells us, and know that He is God.

I keep these words in my mind and try to be as still as I can. It isn\'t easy. Everyone has a limit to the physical, emotional and mental pain that one can endure. What God asks of us, is to go to the very limits and step over our boundaries. And that is harder.

But I think that\'s where faith is. When we can\'t see the edge anymore, when we are being led to the uncharted territories of our personal experiences that\'s the time when we fully trust in God. When we don\'t know what\'s going to happen yet we still say to God, You are in command, Father. I will be fine. I\'ll stay put. I\'ll believe,that\'s faith.

Having faith doesn\'t mean, we are just going to sit down and do nothing; but having faith doesn\'t also mean we should be like John Rambo in our approach “diving headlong into a problem with guns blazing. Having faith means we should wait for God to show us what to do, and when we learn what that us, then we have to do it. But before the answers come, before the storm ends, we must be still, because God is able.

Resource Reading:

Psalms 46:1-1

Article from http://www.pmcc4thwatch.org.ph/

mommy... you're so busy....

I admit I have always been busy in my life. I am the type of person who doesn't want to stay in one place. I love to go out or do something else once in a while. I was once known to be so "lakwatsera"... since I love going out with friends, even just to the houses of my friends just to make chika...

But when I got married, some things changed...well in some aspects. I am busy still but not that "lakwatsera" anymore. My priorities have shifted from myself to my family. Before, I used to go out with friends so often pero hindi na ngaun. I love bonding with Ate Bea and Denise more. I still love strolling in the malls but now with my 2 super kulit kids. It feels heaven when you see them so happy and satisfied kahit minsan naiinis nako sa sobrang kakaturo ng kung anu anu... hehehehe


Pero lately... I have been so so busy, juggling my career, family and personal life. I have so many things to do everyday. So many things going on in my mind, i have to think of the construction, bea's school activities, Denise's needs, household needs, work deliverables and some personal stuff. Nakaklimutan ko na nga minsan if nakakatulog ako eh! That's how busy I am and I do not realize that....


Pero do you know what made me realize that I have been very busy these past few days (or months already)? rather who made me realize that... Ate Bea.... She was always asking me "Mommy, me pasok ka pa?". And whenever I answer her "Yes Ate meron pa..." I will always get this reply... "Mommy, lagi ka naman umaalis eh... kahit wala kang pasok umaalis ka parin.. D2 ka nalang...." Parang nagising ako and I realized that I have been stealing the time for my kids already. It's breaking my heart pero I have no choice, It's a one woman team ika nga. I am the only one in charge of everything kasi wla si Nelson. How I wish I can explain that to them the way they will understand it...

For now I have no choice, konting tiis nalang anak... Mommy will be back home soon....

On to the 6th week...

12 Rules For A Happy marriage

Just sharing this for all the married couples out there, check if you've been doing the rules below and reflect if you're making or keeping your marriage in a "Happy" state or you're doing the otherwise.....

1. Never both be angry at the same time

2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire

3. Yield to the wishes of the other

4. If you have a choice between making yourself look better or your mate always choose your mate

5. If you feel you have to criticize do so lovingly

6. Never bring up a mistake of the past

7. Neglect the whole world instead of each other

8. Never let one day end without saying at least one complimentary thing to your mate

9. Never meet without an affecionate welcome

10. Never go to bed mad

11. When you have made a mistake talk it out and ask for forgiveness

12. It takes two to make an argument. The one who is wrong usually is the one who does most of the talking


....

when you feel all alone...

There will always be some point in your life when you seem to feel so alone....
...those were the times when you are expecting that somebody should be there to catch you when it seems that you are falling apart...
...those were the times when you need somebody to accompany you when the road seems to lead to nowhere...
...those were the times when you are expecting someone to hold your hand and tell you that everything will be fine...
...those were the moments when your waiting for someone to dry the tears in the corner of your eyes...

Is this how it should be when they tell you that your strong enough to face everything?

Our house perspective....

Grabe!!! It's been almost a month since my last post here.... I mean yung post na meron talaga akong comments ha!.... Been so busy this past few weeks... specially now na I have no helper sa house namin. I had to do the house chores by myself, umuwi na kasi yung cousin ko who offered help when Denise's yaya left us (a week before end of January). My cuz Khate a.k.a Bibe (hihihi) will start working in a Pharmacy in Valenzuela so she went home already last sunday... tapos I had to go back and forth Dasma to visit the site, sometimes up to 3x a week to check the progress sometimes to drop and fetch Papa, he's staying there to man the workers.
Buti nalang anjan si Papa, to take my place and supervise the entire construction....

Well, enough for my reasons of not blogging as often as i should. Let's go back to my main purpose of blogging today... I'd like to share with you a photo which I personally draw. This is the perspective of our house, thanks to my artistic ability, I was able to draw how I envision it, wala kasi talaga kaming perspective eh. This is how i see the windows, doors, balcony, gate... I've done the rendering also pero subject to changes but the design is not expected to change. I'll post again a photo once it's 100% done so I can compare my expectation against the actual output. Watch out for that!!!!! =)

Construction pictures - 1st week accomplishment

May rainbow nung nag buhos, for me it signifies blessing, He was blessing our house... Thank you po!